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Sunday, March 4, 2007, 10:01 AM [General]
I'm confused. For those of you who know me you already know that this is by far nothing new or much to take notice of given it's perpetual state. But, a bit ago, a friend *wink,nudge a certain person* were discussing the need to get back into practice, learning and feeling rather stagnant in the pursuit of our paths and where exactly, well for me at least, we're going as far as walking the pagan path. It's almost like I found a rock along the way and sat to take a break.. and I wound up like the TinMan. *Oil!!* The problem is I know what I am not.. I'm not prone to worship of deities given my belief that they are merely projections of ourselves.. I'm not prone to ritual, though this I'm sure is out of shear laziness, maybe more.. I don't care for the use of tools (athames, crystals (though I do like them), etcetc..) except to have and hold and feel their energies.. The problem is that I'm not sure what I *am*. A lover of nature, as I've said in group She/It/Nature is my altar.. Decent at receiving energies and feeling them out in people.. I have my beliefs and realize they are subject to change throughout my life and am accepting of this though it does give one a sense of .. instability at times. What my point in is amongst all this rambling is that I don't know where to go! I can honestly say that having kids at any age, but in particular a young age, is very unforgiving on the self. The self goes from *my*self to *our*selves at all times and the need for having any me time is completely out the window. I give huge kudos to people who were well established enough in themselves that they are able to retain their sense of self and their sanity while raising kids. Having my first child (my wonderful now ten-year-old know it all daughter) at nineteen took me off of my path of dedicated study. Having my second at twenty one, even moreso. Now, they're 8 and 10 and I feel that I'm wanting to not only return to my studies but get them on a path of learning as well. Not necessarily in what *I* believe but to develop their own ideas. But which way do I go?! An unfortunate loss of trust took the friend I had as a teacher away (as a teacher.. not as a friend) and me being the individualist that I am find it very difficult to seek someone new to learn from. I've always advocated that experience and yourself are a couple of the best teachers, but now I am feeling that an outside source, or sources are needed. And a swift kick in the arse. I'm not given to *religion* per se, but I am feeling a considerate lack of structure in my beliefs and the time for chaos has come and gone and a foundation has to be built. I told a friend recently that I want my mind back, and he knows what I mean in that more than anyone, but it applies to this as well. Whereas I used to be able to retain information, gather my thoughts and form definite opinions before.. It's not so prevelant now. I blame the kids :P Seriously though, life happens and we lose sight of ourselves. The hard part is trying to find us again and gain a ground. I don't really expect any opinions or advice on this, but if you have them please share. Both are welcome. And if you sat through this ENTIRE thing, I give you big props! LOL. Thanks for listening.. sometimes you just have to get it out. <3 ~Sols~
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Figured out a way to do it..
Saturday, March 3, 2007, 01:09 PM [General]
The words are still invisible but there's a way to see them so never mind the previous post :P
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Just so you all know..
Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 10:03 PM [General]
I can't see any of the messages being left on my page :( Maybe it's one of the issues they're trying to work out.. Hope it gets fixed soon.
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